Why Would You Ever Give a Woman a Voice?

As anyone who has known me is uncomfortably aware of, I have a few obsessions. To name a few of the few they are (in order from least important to most): doing my best, making the world a better place, procrastinating on articles in order to drive my supervisor crazy (Mr. Gregory Allen), how to scheme on women, and lastly (and closely tied to it) Ms. Samus Aran. Although I am old enough to have enjoyed Super Metroid (even Metroid II to a lesser extent although I didn't have a Game Boy and it's a sadly repetitive game in terms of boss battles and progression), my fascination with the gal was much belated, as I was a Genesis owner during that console cycle.

It was on a November night during my sophomore year of high school when I picked up Metroid Prime on its release date. It received a rare Platinum Score from Electronic Gaming Monthly, which was my Gaming Gospel at the time, by receiving 3 10s from its review crew. As a Nintendo fanboy, I felt obliged to support this series given that it was my first real opportunity to do so. Thus, it was with much fervor and anticipation that I bought this game on its release date even though I had a project due for my religion class the next day. Even though I was a quality student at the time, I did not feel the slightest tinge of guilt. Why? Cuz I knew God understood.

Too bad my Mom didn't.

I was only able to play that first level in that space hanger frigate until my maternal parental unit burst into my room ripping the door out of its frame and using the door to slam against the pillars of our house causing the whole foundation of the house to tremor with the ferocity and unmercy of a California quake. I remember the fear that my mother instilled I me – almost as much as the first boss battle with the Parasite Queen. My mother even looks eerily similar to that huge bug thing.

Parasite Queen AKA KeepinItFresh's Mom

Continuing with our article, I remember the sense of isolation and mystery that the environment enraptured in me. Space Pirates ninja-rolling at me out of nowhere and shooting at me with the accuracy of a 3 year old and his first showdown with a real toilet. Towards the end of the level, you're blown away by an explosion caused by a malfunctioning elevator (I believe) and you lose everything. Missiles, grapple beam, charge shot, double jumping ability. Everything that you had is lost. I felt weak and powerless – just like real life. Except I know I had the promise of becoming something unlike this worldly realm. This was a big part of the allure to me for this game.

So what made Samus so appealing? Did you not notice the shift in perspective I used in the previous paragraphs? YOU become Samus. Samus is more or less a silent protagonist. As is the appeal with all silent protagonists, I would argue, is that it is basically a metaphorical stand-in for the player. That's why you Zelda series fans love Link, right? I can't imagine the appeal of a silent protagonist in any other sense. No personality, no character, no traits. Those qualities are perfect in allowing one to project their own expectations and ideals onto a person. Such as the player to the main character or a stalker from afar and their unsuspecting victim.

In a sense, this is what I experienced in Metroid Prime. I recently read an article discussing Metroid that the “planets and environments that you explore are the real characters. The most appealing part of the [Metroid] series has always been exploration." (1) This was uttered by a man named Patrick Carr, aged 28 years old and hails from Chicago, Illinois. There is no other accreditation given to this man yet his quotation is used in the aforementioned article. Is he on to something? Well, it sounds reasonable enough, although I am not totally sold on that character theory, I must admit that the environment and world design is what allowed me to fall in love with the series. The worlds that Samus explores are huge, littered with detail, and were completely immersing to me. It was more than a virtual escape – it was an experience.

Metroid Prime happened to be the first and best videogame that fostered that sense in me. It was the Metroid universe that I fell in love with. My idealization of Samus just happened to be a byproduct of my captivation with the terrain that she was exploring. Now, with that being said, one could argue from the preceding premise that had Metroid Prime's world been the same yet the protagonist been anything else, say a Richard Simmons-like character painting the world with clown-vomit as his main weapon of choice, then that particular character would happen to be the most beloved in my heart. However, I contend that would-be assertion as that takes away from the character design of Samus, which I find to be complementary and extension of the 'experience.' For instance, I believe her suit design to be unequivocally bad-ass. The detail of her Varia suit was illuminated in comparison to her Smash Bros. And Metroid game appearances. The distinctive bulky shoulders, powerful arm cannon, coupled into a galactic spacesuit that still allowed one to be agile was unmatched in terms of gear for a videogame character. It was creative, fascinating, and looked crazy pretty on the Gamecube.

So, in attempting to justify my non-perverse love for Samus, I say the following with a true heart and well-intentioned outlook for the Metroid series. I'm afraid of getting to know Samus too well -- both physically and emotionally. Sure, some can say that I was a victim of a sex crime as a child and I fear any type of intimacy from any person lest I be taken advantage of again (I plead the fifth to that one) but I promise you that it's deeper than judging her based off the past sins of others. All I can say is that Samus might be a bit too developed for me – and I mean that in an appropriate and inappropriate sense.

I don't appreciate the sexualization of Samus and this fan service that Nintendo has been committing in years past in dressing down the famed heroine in order to win over the interest and appeal of whoever the eff they're trying to get at (I can only assume prepubescent boys and basement-dwelling internet predators). My disgust is mostly aimed at the advent of Zero Suit Samus in Brawl. Although I concede that that game is not a part of the Metroid canon – it most definitely had a direct impact on the Metroid games as Samus can be witnessed in her Zero Suit (as designed by the Brawl creators) when zippin around in her ship during one of the cutscenes of Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. Granted, Samus never goes about parading around while in her zero suit, but the effects of Samus' sexualizaion has a realized effect on the games itself.

With the upcoming release of Metroid: Other M, I find it appropriate to voice this next worry. From what I've seen so far I have no reason for concern in terms of Samus being overly exposed in a physical sense (mind you it is Team Ninja of Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball [and Ninja Gaiden but that doesn't help to serve my point]). However, this latest installment in the series sees Samus' character being developed (I assume) with fleshed-out cinematics and voiceovers. Candidly, I don't know if this is gonna be a great idea or not. There are seriously two examples that jumped out to me when thinking of things that don't seem like a great idea, yet they somehow work. First, four years ago, some guy decided it'd be a great idea to deep fry coke. I don't know if that guy was on something nor even cognizant but he fried coke and people pay for it at fairs. So as off-the-wall as that sounds, that turned out to be okay. Additionally, and probably even crazier, the Lakers decided to add Ron Artest at the expense of Trevor Ariza last off-season. They signed a man that ran into the stands and beat the shit out of paying customers. However, the Lakers just won back to back titles.

Voice-overs for Samus: Crazier than Ron Artest?

Is adding voiceovers for Samus in her upcoming games as batshit insane as these two examples I just conjured up? I don't give a shit what you think; you're not writing the article.

To take away one of the the main allures of Samus, in my opinion, by developing her personality into a concrete set of qualities eliminates the sense of mystery that was afforded to her. It runs the risk of alienating the gamers that identified with her due to her lack of prescribed attributes. This, to me, gives me reason for concern for the upcoming release of Metroid: Other M.

Also, the graphics look pretty shitty.

1. http://www.1up.com/do/feature?pager.offset=2&cId=3180650

God of War 3... or 2 or 1

I didn't play the 2nd God of War, but I did have the same experience with the first God of War, for the Playstation 2, that I had with this most recent one. In fact, almost the exact same experience. Being a Classics major, I could view this game as a horrible disfiguration of everything I've learned in my college career. I could even write several pages of the gross misrepresentation of the numerous Greek Gods. But of course, that would be silly. To ever judge a game based on its closeness to history, or even reality in general, is a mistake. And, really, aren't games supposed to be an escape from reality?

God of War 3 is the conclusion to Kratos' (ancient Greek for strength... you know, just fyi.) story. From Ares' tool, to a man seeking revenge, to a God, and then back to a mortal, seeking revenge. Kratos has taken out countless monsters and undead, plus one God, but now he's out to kill the rest of the Olympians. The game begins where the last one left off, climbing Olympus on the back of Gaia, the Titan. Soon, because this game can be punishing, you're thrown off her back and into a brawl with the Sea God, Poseidon, just to get you used to the way the game works. Poseidon, of course, doesn't fight you with his fists, but rather becomes a type of crab-horse. Because he can, I guess. Directly after this battle, you're thrown into Hades and spend the rest of the game climbing up to Olympus... with a little sidetracking to a labyrinth and back once more again to Cronus (where Kratos found Pandora's Box in the first game). Of course, all along the way, you kill the Olympians, one by one, while the mortals of the Earth suffer the consequences of the lack of Gods. This doesn't matter to our "hero" since he's just out for the revenge part. I can't help but wonder, though, what was Kratos' plan after killing Zues? Surely he can't go back down to Earth and live in the middle of the giant mess he made. Would he just stay alone in Olympus?

The gameplay is exactly like the two previous God of War games, whether or not you enjoy that you should know by now. It's not a surprise that there isn't any real change in the style or mechanics of the game (why fix it if it's not broken?), but a little something new would have been nice, just to add some spice to the mix. Still, for those in love with the series from the get-go, there's nothing to complain about here. Sure, the story can use a little work; Kratos has his blades of chaos/hades/power or whatever else the variations are called and he rips everyone to shreds with them. The end. The point behind all this is not that Kratos needs his revenge, but rather, it's fun to watch people and monsters get dismembered in some of the most gruesome ways. If this were a film, it'd fit nicely into the pulp genre. I'm A-OK with that. I don't mind a game that succeeds in what it was trying to do and I'm certainly not going to judge a game based on what it wasn't trying to do. What I do mind, is how the game gets repetitive; like so many other "beat'em ups," I grow tiresome of defeating the same enemies, but with minor changes like armor or color. How many of those statue men and minotaurs were killed by Kratos? I honestly lost count. Perhaps even more of a slight was that one of the main draws of the game, the cinematic kills, never changed. Every statue was killed by Kratos smashing them with their own hammer and every minotaur by getting impaled through the throat. If you don't care about the little things like story or repetitive nature, then the last sentence is all you need to read. If you do, then feel happy that the bosses are frequent enough, as well as difficult enough, to keep the game from getting too routine.

Other than that, I'm at a loss for words. There isn't much more to make this a stand out game from the other two. If I didn't know the story and saw clips from each game, I would not be able to tell you which is first or last (except for the noticeable graphic improvement in the PS3). For what it's worth, this game still works. Kratos is not an admirable hero, his quest for revenge is not noble, and he certainly doesn't take the high road... at any point. Which means the player can just sit back and feel good about being so bad. Any actor can tell you it's more fun playing the villain, and any gamer can tell you it's more fun playing as a villain. I've heard the creators of God of War say their game is mainly about "is this fun?" and "how can we make this more fun?" I would have preferred more enemies with more special kills, but I'll take what I got. After all, this game only tries to be fun and does a good job at it. For instance, one can't help but be satisfied at what happens to Hera. She had it coming.

3.5/5 Better Than Average! Almost Dope!