This One's For The Ladies

That title is such a lie. This post is nothing but pure, gamer man to man action. ...Never mind that last sentence. The point is, would gamer guys be happier if their girlfriends or wives played video games? It has come to my attention, through the last article and a handful of people mentioning their significant others as a reason to not spend time gaming, that maybe there are some guys out there who would be much happier if their ladies were also gamers -- or even refuse be in a relationship with a non-gamer. It also has come to my attention that I begin many posts with questions that may never get answered, but I hope one day there will be people to answer them in the comments section. God I'm desperate... On To The Ladies!

I'm sure she really does play games in real life, too.

For my own case, I don't care if my girlfriend plays games or not, I just want her to understand that I love playing them. My last girlfriend didn't know how to pronounce Nintendo, let alone play something as complicated as Super Smash Brothers. My current girlfriend has collected all 150 Pokemon (There are no others and never will be). Twice. She's gotten all the Gold Cups on MarioKart Wii, owns Wii Fit and her own Rock Band guitar. Am I happier? By far, but that's not because she's got some gamer in her, it's because I'm in a better relationship. Plus, despite all this, she would never go so far as to call herself a gamer and gets a little annoyed with me when I spend extended periods of time gaming. That's fine; it makes sense to me. She understands how much of a gamer I am and supports me. She even tries to read Super Dope Gaming posts... sometimes. But enough about me and my perfect life. I wonder if life would be better for gamers if they had gamer girls.

They all look like this and apparently come with three of their own controllers.

One has to understand one thing before really getting into this discussion: women are crazy. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, but let's take a moment to think about it. Women have a lot of stuff to care about. They can't just roll out of bed and be ready to face the day like most guys. We men throw some jeans on, brush our teeth (sometimes), and find our only pair of non-work shoes before getting out there. There are so, so many more things for women to do. It's admirable, really. I know if I was a woman, I would crumble to pieces. I would never even go out when it's dark -- whatever sh*t I have to do can wait 'til morning. But that's all beside the point. How many more things can they take on without some aspects of their lives merging with one another? Let's say you have a hardcore gamer girlfriend and you love it. You guys even play the same games together or watch each other complete some story modes. But what happens when you headshot her in Halo: Reach? What if you camp her ass? How's that night gonna go for you? Not well, my friend, not well. Plan for your side of the bed to be the coldest thing you've ever felt.

"I have THREE kids! I... Am... INVINCIBLE!"

The most likely situation is you find a girl who'll play games, but only games like Rock Band or Wii Fit, and you'll just hate it whenever she picks up a controller. There are just some games that never, ever, need to be played. For every sexy, Wii Fit girl, there are hundreds more who love the most casual of games or have no idea how to even hold a controller. Is that what you want to deal with? Is it? Really? No. Stop it. Just... Just stop.

There are benefits to dating a gamer, let's be honest. But whether or not they outweigh the cons is up to you. For instance, if you are both excited for an upcoming game, maybe it'll be split between you two. Really the cost of any game-related items should go down overall. Imagine the kinds of gifts you'll be getting each other. Imagine sitting on the couch together watching the other beat the final boss. Imagine discussing the latest gaming trends and how terrible they are. Imagine playing co-op with your lady love and saving the universe together. I can see countless gaming experiences made better with having your girl next to you. Something like this scenario, if you will: "Yes! I finally got that last achievement!" "Wow, I'm so impressed, boyfriend! We should celebrate with some sex!" OK, OK, that will never happen. I can't even read it without a tone of sarcasm in that girl's voice, and I just made her up.

Of course, all this really only applies to those interested in the ladies to begin with. If you're a member of the fairer sex looking for a guy who meets all your gaming criteria, well, then you're obviously imaginary. But, if you're a gamer guy looking for another gamer guy, then fantastic, your search is easy. Congratulations on finding your soul mate, now wish the rest of us some luck.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The Wii

For those few of you who do not know, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game recently came out for the PS3, and the Xbox 360 version is not far away with a release date set for the 25th. The design of the game is one reminiscent of 2D, old-school beat'em ups like River City Ransom for the NES or Secret of Mana for the SNES. Both of which are classic titles. I never played River City Ransom, but that won't stop me from using it as a tag for this post. Scott Pilgrim is clearly an accessible game - graphically, at least - for any console. So, why, dear readers, is the Wii the only one left out?

I understand this comes out on the heels of KeepinItFresh's "Open Letter," but I can honestly say that this is the first game in a while for which I've felt genuinely giddy. It's as if Scott Pilgrim: The Game is that sexy girl at work you always have flirtations with, but nothing ever comes of it. That's what it feels like for me. I'm excited for this game; I talk about it with my friends and explain how badly I want it; I've spent a lot of time with Scott Pilgrim (not the game, but the graphic novel), and I want my due payoff. The problem is, of course, that the only system I own is the Wii. Now, I'm sure the decision to keep it off the Wii has some business and marketing decisions behind it, to which the general public are not privy. Does this make it any less heart wrenching? God No. No it... it just doesn't. I want to play this game and I would happily dish out the $10 or $15 to own it, but not the several hundred it would take for me to get a PS3 or Xbox 360 first.

For the most part, the Wii's Virtual Console and Wii Ware games provide more variety and an overall better gaming experience than when compared to the alternatives. The PSN has Final Fantasy VII, Metal Gear Solid, and Echochrome; the XBLA has Shadow Complex and Castle Crashers. All of which I think are great additions to the system and may even go so far as to call them reasons to buy each respective console. The Wii may have begun with much bigger success than it now holds, even the newest addition - the Wii Arcade - was a disappointment; although, it did show interesting promise. Surely most of the gaming community believe now, more than ever, the recent downloadable games offered by the Wii are nowhere near the quality of other systems. The point is, despite me only buying (or wanting) a handful of titles, I still believe in the service. Even now, while I sit, staring at the lack of Scott and Ramona, I realize I can still go back to the Virtual Console, find River City Ransom, and settle.

IGN has dealt with the decline of the Virtual Console (here you go) and claimed "It must be like jumping through hoops to try to get any game not originally presented by a major Japanese publisher through the submission and approval process to go live in the American Wii Shop." Does this mean that Nintendo doesn't care about white people? Looks like it. I would love to see other titles (IGN makes special mention of Earthbound throughout the article) also put up, but this one takes the cake - most likely because it's in my recent memory, but also because I can't just find a place on the internet to download it illegally like... well like almost every classic game in existence. It seems to be true that "Nintendo of America hasn't been able to fully respond to our requests." But don't get me wrong, I don't mean for Super Dope Game Reviews to take up a war against Nintendo, and I certainly don't plan on doing anything so bold as to sign a petition to get Scott Pilgrim: The Game onto the Wii. I just really want to play this game.

While the previous entry by KeepinItFresh focuses on the faults and betrayals of Nintendo's system, I choose to view these imperfections as what makes the Wii even more beautiful. I know the worn out, scratched up, broken apart Wii has seen better days and hasn't aged as well as other systems (who seem to be just now reaching maturity *cough* PS3 *cough*) or even as well as I had hoped. But all this simply makes me appreciate what the Wii has that other consoles don't. A catalog of games that focus on a fun experience, for instance. Also, what the Wii lacks can be turned into a positive - like the absence of a platform for preteen boys to shout profanity at me through a headset. Maybe I'm more of an optimist, or more of a Nintendo Fanboy (proven by my choice to capitalize that title), than KeepinItFresh, but I'm sure that while I flirt with other games from other systems, I'll always return home to the Wii, who has been there for me through thick and thin, like a loving wife instead of that sexy girl at work.