Yes that's right, Free Flash Friday Presents- ‘Fantasy Online!’ Or as I like to call it- Fantasy Boreline. Boretasy Online. Fanboresey Boneline. It’s boring.
Obscure Title Tuesday….is DEAD!
And replaced with this much more relevant, accessible, and user friendly weekly article which will review free flash games online that you can play RIGHT NOW!
As opposed to when you had to buy a Nintendo Entertainment System that works along with the corresponding obscure title which wouldn’t be worth it anyway just to play the games in the articles I was talking about. Or, alternatively just easily download an emulator to play the NES games for free.
Given the abundance of free time I have here at Law School, I though it would be a good idea to visit the hallowed internet tubes of places like kongregate.com, newgrounds.com, and armorgames.com, whose only purpose is to bring you sweet, sweet, productivity destroying time wasters, most of which suck. But it’s the thought that counts.
This week’s feature from Kongregate is Fantasy Online a ripoff of Diablo except that this game is a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot crappier. And suckier!
Where to begin? It’s exactly like Diablo in that you have different classes to start with, you kill endless hoards of bad guys, get gold, use gold to buy better weapons or find unique items that your enemies drop after you kill them, there’s the magic type, the brute-force type, and the archer type, you gain levels by gaining experience through killing bad guys, you get attribute points…..it is literally EXACTLY like Diablo and games of that nature with the only technical difference being that in this game you have to use gold to buy different special abilities for your character to use, whereas in Diablo you got those skills automatically by leveling up.
It just looks so endlessly interesting! Boretasy boreline indeed.
So why does this game suckola? If I had to define the graphics of this game...I would characterize them as being worse than an 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System game that sucks. It’s not charming. I think that’s what they might have been going for, but it didn’t work. You’re a poorly rendered sprite. The earliest version of these types of Diablo-esque games that I know of is Final Fantasy for the NES (The original! As in, the first one. Which I own. Jealous??) and when you’re an online game with 20 years worth of technological advances and a multiplayer mode is easily defeated by one of the FIRST of these types of games, you’ve failed.
There’s no story here. Where’s my story? Cause all I see is random quests to help out endless townspersons here and there; there’s no sweeping narrative where you have to save the world and/or princess and/or your father and/or the future. Sure, you can explore and fight with your friends or strangers, but the sucky aspects of this game far outweigh that. There’s no SOUND! Can I get a freaggin’ theme song in the background please? I would have made one for this game FOR FREE. I STILL WILL! If they ask me, I will make free music and sound for this sucky game. At least something for the damn loading screen... sheesh.
Fighting enemies is underwhelming…you click on them once and the game does the rest unless you use a spell or special ability, but... it just sucks. Sometimes your attacks don't hit or your healing spells don't work because the game is laggy. The leveling-up system is so slow; if more then one enemy attacks you at the same time, then you have to run away or spend quite a few hours leveling up in a lower level area.
There are some attempts at humor thrown in. You start off at ‘Noob Island.’ But for the number of characters and dialogue this game has and given how much the game sucks in general, you’d think they’d have made humor a priority. Most townspeople just explain the quest you have to do. Where’s my context? Where’s my motivation? I’ll be in my trailer. No Blue M&M’s.
Now at first I was going to state, given this game has just under 1.5 million plays, ‘I don’t understand why people play this game’ (because it sucks). But then I realized, I made it all the way to level 12 and that took more hours then I’d like to publicly admit. So I guess there’s just something about games involving leveling up to incrementally improve yourself as the bad guys incrementally improve along with you that just feeds some gamer need in a substantial number of us. Everybody probably already knew that though. Shout out to WoW! And allll my mages! Magi, rather.
See, the fatal flaw with this game is: it’s too in depth and lengthy to be an hour or two time-waster, but not good enough to be something you pour a substantial amount of time into. Not dope, you guys. Not dope.
1.5/5 Paaaaass.
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