Rated E for Embarrassment

One of these is not like the other (Fallout cuz it's multiplatform right???)

Pretend you’ve walked into a proverbial video game store, passing through a proverbial recommendations end-cap. Three non-proverbial games are displayed: Halo: Reach, Fallout: New Vegas, and Kirby's Epic Yarn. All three games have their merits and have received generally great critical praise. Let’s also assume you’re 24 years old. Which of these games are you most likely to buy? I know I sound like a marketing questionnaire, but let’s face it – picking up Kirby's Epic Yarn and taking it to the cashier for purchase is objectively more embarrassing than the other two games.

Gaming, in itself, is embarrassing enough, as Gregory Allen has pointed out. However, there are games people own that are embarrassing to even the most disheveled, basement-dwelling hardcore gamer. For example, there's Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball, a game where they took the large-chested women of the fighting game series Dead or Alive and put them on an island playing volleyball together. This was actually an amazingly effective strategy by Tecmo, since Dead or Alive is a terrible fighting game series and, coincidentally, only hormonal teenagers and creepy middle-aged men bought their games. Another game similarly embarrassing to own is the Hannah Montana: The Movie video game, particularly for the PS3 and 360, which nerds on the internet actually bought to get achievements and trophies because they were easy to get. No amount of head-shaking can ameliorate such a tragic reason for gaming, and nothing will erase the fact that Billy Ray Cyrus' spawn adorns your gaming library.

"Dude I'm totally playing it for the achievements. Haha, no dude, I'm serious... hey where are you going??"

Instrument and music games have some levels of shame to them, with the tired argument of “why don't you play a REAL instrument?” It's kind of a dumb accusation, because games like Rock Band are there as a simple emulation of the band experience, and not everyone at a party is expected to be Keith Moon on the drums or Jimi Hendrix on guitar. The argument is relevant only to those who try to 100% every song in these games on the highest difficulty, because in essence, they only really teach pinpoint reaction time and some elements of rhythm at the basic level with the instruments provided. Of course, Harmonix, the developers of Rock Band, want to solve it by evolving the medium to actually learning instruments with their "Pro" mode, introducing compatibility with fully functioning “real” instruments like a MIDI keyboard, digital drum sets, and a fully functional, six string Fender Squire guitar. You can now tell people that you learned how to play guitar via a video game and this time you'll only be met with mild guffaws instead of hysterical laughter.

Now you can play sick guitar solos like on Free Bird as good as THIS guy on real guitar (skip to 5:56).

There are games, however, that are actually really good, but are seen as embarrassing to the average 18-24 gamer. Society curbs our interest in these games by creating a culture of owning games that are “badass,” like the GTA series, God of War series, Halo, Daikatana, and so on. We're accustomed to our rated M games or sports games while games like Rachet and Clank, Pokemon, and even the Mario games, which are received as generally great series, are unfortunately being shelved to the side because they just don't meet that badass requirement the public craves for in their video games.

Sure, back then it wasn't too much of an issue to play video games with a more lighthearted nature, but gaming's audience has warped into obsession over the FPS and action genres. And when your girlfriend or your roommate walks in to you poppin' off a terrorist's head in Call of Duty, it's totally the antithesis of humility, bro.

NEW WEEKLY FEATURE! Free Flash Friday Presents- Fantasy Online!

Yes that's right, Free Flash Friday Presents- ‘Fantasy Online!’ Or as I like to call it- Fantasy Boreline. Boretasy Online. Fanboresey Boneline. It’s boring.

Obscure Title Tuesday….is DEAD!

And replaced with this much more relevant, accessible, and user friendly weekly article which will review free flash games online that you can play RIGHT NOW!  

http://www.kongregate.com/games/PixelatedGames/fantasy-online 

As opposed to when you had to buy a Nintendo Entertainment System that works along with the corresponding obscure title which wouldn’t be worth it anyway just to play the games in the articles I was talking about. Or, alternatively just easily download an emulator to play the NES games for free.

Given the abundance of free time I have here at Law School, I though it would be a good idea to visit the hallowed internet tubes of places like kongregate.com, newgrounds.com, and armorgames.com, whose only purpose is to bring you sweet, sweet, productivity destroying time wasters, most of which suck. But it’s the thought that counts.

This week’s feature from Kongregate is Fantasy Online a ripoff of Diablo except that this game is a lot lot lot lot lot lot lot lot crappier. And suckier!

Where to begin? It’s exactly like Diablo in that you have different classes to start with, you kill endless hoards of bad guys, get gold, use gold to buy better weapons or find unique items that your enemies drop after you kill them, there’s the magic type, the brute-force type, and the archer type, you gain levels by gaining experience through killing bad guys, you get attribute points…..it is literally EXACTLY like Diablo and games of that nature with the only technical difference being that in this game you have to use gold to buy different special abilities for your character to use, whereas in Diablo you got those skills automatically by leveling up.

It just looks so endlessly interesting! Boretasy boreline indeed.

So why does this game suckola? If I had to define the graphics of this game...I would characterize them as being worse than an 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System game that sucks. It’s not charming. I think that’s what they might have been going for, but it didn’t work. You’re a poorly rendered sprite. The earliest version of these types of Diablo-esque games that I know of is Final Fantasy for the NES (The original! As in, the first one. Which I own. Jealous??) and when you’re an online game with 20 years worth of technological advances and a multiplayer mode is easily defeated by one of the FIRST of these types of games, you’ve failed.

There’s no story here. Where’s my story? Cause all I see is random quests to help out endless townspersons here and there; there’s no sweeping narrative where you have to save the world and/or princess and/or your father and/or the future. Sure, you can explore and fight with your friends or strangers, but the sucky aspects of this game far outweigh that. There’s no SOUND! Can I get a freaggin’ theme song in the background please? I would have made one for this game FOR FREE. I STILL WILL! If they ask me, I will make free music and sound for this sucky game. At least something for the damn loading screen... sheesh.

Fighting enemies is underwhelming…you click on them once and the game does the rest unless you use a spell or special ability, but... it just sucks. Sometimes your attacks don't hit or your healing spells don't work because the game is laggy. The leveling-up system is so slow; if more then one enemy attacks you at the same time, then you have to run away or spend quite a few hours leveling up in a lower level area.

There are some attempts at humor thrown in. You start off at ‘Noob Island.’ But for the number of characters and dialogue this game has and given how much the game sucks in general, you’d think they’d have made humor a priority. Most townspeople just explain the quest you have to do. Where’s my context? Where’s my motivation? I’ll be in my trailer. No Blue M&M’s.

Now at first I was going to state, given this game has just under 1.5 million plays, ‘I don’t understand why people play this game’ (because it sucks). But then I realized, I made it all the way to level 12 and that took more hours then I’d like to publicly admit. So I guess there’s just something about games involving leveling up to incrementally improve yourself as the bad guys incrementally improve along with you that just feeds some gamer need in a substantial number of us. Everybody probably already knew that though. Shout out to WoW! And allll my mages! Magi, rather.

See, the fatal flaw with this game is: it’s too in depth and lengthy to be an hour or two time-waster, but not good enough to be something you pour a substantial amount of time into. Not dope, you guys. Not dope.

1.5/5 Paaaaass. 

The Fun of Creation Block by Block

People sometimes ask me how I stay so relevant to the gaming industry and the community itself.  The simple answer is that I do not.  I, as well as all my writers, have so, so much to do.  Some of us have things we cannot avoid -- Julian Horan, for instance, lost his computer to a rampaging virus, most likely from, let's be honest, all the porn.  Others have time consuming activities to do during the day, which I believe are called "jobs."  And still there are some who attend school in hopes to, one day, find one of these unheard of jobs and life comfortably for the rest of the foreseeable future.  Now besides all of these incredibly reasonable excuses, there are also ones like having spent too much time in search of diamond to build a pickax, in order to mine obsidian, in order to build a blast wall that can withstand large explosions.  There is a chance I have used that last one.

For those of you who do not know by now, Minecraft is an amazing time waster that gets more addicting the more you play.  I personally held off on buying the game, despite all the acclaim and the low price of $15, because I am not a creative person.  Suuuure... I can write about videogames and other such things for which I have a wealth of knowledge, but if you put a pen and paper in my hands and tell me to draw someone, it will be a stick figure with not-quite-circular eyes.  If you want me to play you a piece by Mozart, expect to hear something along the lines of several car alarms going off at once.  So you can understand my resistance to play something which relies heavily on your ability to create.  But, from here on out, I will cease to describe Minecraft to you and simply relate my experience.  This is because merely explaining what the game is about does not do it justice: mine things, craft those things to mine new things, build.  There is no story, there is no point.  Just build.

And build, and build, and build.

Before I got into the game, I decided to check out some videos on YouTube, while my girlfriend was beside me falling asleep, of all the amazing things people have done that I could possibly, theoretically, steal.  After understanding my inadequacy better, I looked for what normal people would do.  I mean, really, you build a base to escape monsters during the night, build a better base, build a house, build a better house, then build whatever you want, one block at a time.  Sounds repetitive and complicated.  I don't know how to build a house.   Then something amazing happened:  my girlfriend and I both became enthralled.  We kept wanting to see what people would build, how they would get materials, where in this MASSIVE (trust me, it warrants all caps) world they would explore.  It actually ended up with her buying the game and us having a combined world, in which there is a glass house on the top, one block of a mountain, a black house with a "lava-fall" near the highest point of the sky, and seemingly endless caves which my girlfriend loves to explore.

Goddammit I refuse to lose my sh*t again!

For the first, oh, dozen hours or so, I was clearing away a giant area in order to make a farm.  Soon, I realized animals would actually disappear after a while, even if I ever managed to get them inside the fences.  So, back I went to the caves beneath my base.  I have four large chests, after owning the game for about a week, all filled with rock and dirt; another filled with sand and coal, and one more filled with random things like flint, glass, animal products, etc.  Only within the past day or two have I started to build.  It's disgusting how much time I've spent mining for minerals and smelting them.  Which, to be fair, is still far less than others who have apparently dedicated their lives to the game.  Often have I died and lost everything in my inventory (once, that included diamonds), but have always remade everything and returned to the lava pit or to where those damn skeletons and their arrows killed me.  This is all in single-player mode, mind you.  If you get the IP address of a server, you can go online and see what others have built and/or grief them.  I advise everyone to fork over the money (or get your girlfriend to) and experience this game for yourself.  It can still get boring and you may lose interest, but I'm sure you'll get your money's worth.

4/5 Near Perfect Score! Super Good!

Relationships in MY Video Games??

WARNING!! There are some spoilers for old video games in this article if you're sensitive about that kind of thing.

I’d like to bring up something we all take for granted - relationships. Interactions and relationships between video game characters ranks very high amongst the reasons video games are entertaining for me, up there with “unfair difficulty” and “poor gameplay decisions.” When you first saved Princess Toadstool from the final castle as Mario, you unwittingly observed a video game relationship (albeit a shi*tly developed one). Mario and Princess Toadstool/Peach/Daisy/Rebecca is undoubtedly the reigning “most popular” video game character dyad – typical “Italian American plumber who grows bigger from eating mushrooms, saving the Anglo-Saxon princess with no real reason to do it other than her being kinda cute, I guess” archetype.

Thanks, internet

But I’m not gonna talk about Mario and Peach. Their relationship is too boring, so I’ll supply some examples of relationships that stood out over time for me in video gamedom. I’m not going to be restricted to discussing just “romantic” relationships, either; video game characters as buds, bros, and pals will be discussed as well.

To start it off, one of the most captivating and inspiring relationships in all of video games is between the two compelling bundles of polygons - Squall and Rinoa from Final Fantasy 8. Squall’s a stoic, mostly quiet teenager who’s most famous line of dialogue is “…”, while Rinoa is... uh, I actually don't know what her core personality is like. I'm gonna go with “spunky.”

Anyways, I think Rinoa was the daughter of some singer who Squall's dad (Laguna) had a thing for, but that didn't turn out well. And that's how they're connected – Squall and Rinoa maybe could have been brother and sister, but became lovers instead. And it's not that apparent that they're deeply in love until the very end of the game. This relationship stands out for me because it tells players that you can have a compelling love story without an actual love relationship develop anywhere in the narrative.

Sometimes, characters can't get together like the way you'd think they would, or would like to. Case in point: Solid Snake and Meryl Silverburg from Metal Gear Solid. At the end of the game (depending on what ending you get), you'd think they were going to live together and have freakish children because Snake is a clone and Meryl is a ginger. However, in Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty, she's nowhere to be found.

In the chronological continuation, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, Snake ages 1000 years, and meets up with Meryl, who is not down to have old wrinkly man parts on her. So she goes for the next best thing: a member of the Sasaki family, Johnny Akiba. This particular lineage is notorious for having bowel movement problems in the most inopportune situations. Akiba's a nervous wreck, is the least experienced of Meryl's squad, and has that diarrhea thing, but in the end, he actually looks handsome as sh*t and has a Mr. and Mrs Smith moment with Meryl at the end of the game, sealing the deal (literally – they get married like two cut-scenes later). Just remember folks, if you want to get with that guy/girl of your dreams, make sure to be stuck in conditions of high anxiety; it's psychologically proven to work out.

Dan Hibiki and Blanka from the Street Fighter series of games taught me that if you're an ugly manbeast, or an unwanted joke of a person, you can still be friends with someone of equal grossness. Their relationship is interesting because Capcom decided that the top two “most rejected from society” characters should be best pals, and I think Capcom is genius for doing so. Dan is the only character (besides Blanka's mom) to call Blanka by his real name, Jimmy, and rumor has it that Dan's rolling taunt move is in respect of Blanka's roll attack. Finally, in Super Street Fighter 4, Blanka's alternate costume is Dan's martial arts uniform, and Dan's is tarzan-like primitive wear (which is I guess a nod to Blanka's lack of clothes). If this isn't evidence of transcendental companionship, I don't know what is.

And lastly (apologies if you haven't played Resident Evil 4), there's Leon and Ashley:

Sensational Senselessness

It seems there's some kind of bug going around.  A couple writers for Super Dope Gaming (i.e. this site) haven't posted their weekly feature, and I can tell you that's a first for the both of them.  I can only guess they are both sick, dead, or playing more videogames to review/discuss for this wonderful site.  Because, really, who wouldn't want to spend the time every week to talk about videogames?  Crazy people.  That's who.  As a side note, old people also fall under the definition of crazy.  Anyway, let's get to it, shall we?  The topic for this post may hit a nerve on some gamers out there, and I think it will, but there is also a part of me that hopes it does not.

If you've played videogames ever in your life, you have most likely thought to yourself, "wouldn't it be awesome if I could do this in real life?"  In videogames, you've got everything you could ever want: near infinite money, some super-human power (anything from the ability to take assloads of damage to actual, magical power), people who love you and, probably most importantly, a purpose.  What do you get out of real life?  You get debt, the fantastic ability to die from almost anything, a slim chance to find happiness in romantic love and you get to spend your life wondering what to do with it.  This sounds incredibly depressing.  But, let's face it, videogames are better than real life.  People always talk about immersion and how important it is to feel like you're a part of that gaming world.  Do they not realize that the more you're connected with one world, the less you are connected with another?  I've been playing videogames for as long as I can remember, and I can't help but wonder, "does the fact that I want to do nothing with my life, other than play videogames and relax, come from my knowledge that life will never be as amazing as an heroic adventure?"

 These kids have now become gaming bloggers.

Now, to be perfectly clear, I am a happy person.  I love my girlfriend, I love what I'm learning about in grad school (mostly), I have a family that loves me, I don't do drugs and I rarely drink -- apparently, I am a giant loser.  Nor am I trying to assign blame for anything I don't like in my life.  But the situation remains that I would rather watch "let's play" videos of Minecraft than work on a paper that is almost a year late.  Is it that my love of all things gaming overpowers my other loves or is it that videogames have made me apathetic?  Besides, in all fairness, if I were to assign blame, I would probably look to the internet in general for supplying me with so many things which are detrimental to my senses.  Once you've seen a horse have anal sex with a man, you can never go back.  But, the fact remains that I don't scour the intertubes in order to find time killers.  I come here.  Failing any recent updates, I go to other gaming blogs, and then I go to watch gaming videos.

In discussions with other gamers, I have found that a common theme occurs: the lack of a purpose.  This is not universal, of course, but common enough to be brought up.  Those of us who've countlessly saved the world don't have time for such trivial matters like studying or getting a job.  We need something bigger than (real) life.  I'm not sure, but I think my love of videogames has influenced my chosen field of study.  I study ancient myths about heroes and war, sensational tales that would seem impossible today.  What more could a gamer hope for in life?  We know gaming contributes to other factors in life.  Obesity, for instance.  I'm five feet, five inches, weigh between 130 and 140 pounds (I'm skinny; you can almost see my ribs), and I just ate three servings of pudding (about 900 calories), just to snack on something while watching games.

 There is nothing better than this combination.

So, why can't gaming contribute to apathy?  Not apathy for other people, but apathy towards the world as a whole.  I think we all want to be special.  We all want our lives to matter.  We all want to have what we do be important.  When I think about saving the world, overthrowing governments, being the best there is, I offer the question, "Can anything we do in reality be as important as what we do in gaming?"  Unfortunately, I am not able to answer that question.  Not for myself and definitely not for anyone else.  I do hope every gamer finds something they can be passionate about and pursue with as much vigor as when they pursue the next trophy.

Hollywood and Video Games: Stay Together for the Kids

Swimming through the tubes of the internets, Mr. Gregory Allen brought to my attention the following article:

http://kotaku.com/5663589/hollywood-and-video-games-should-break-up-pronto

What the author Brian Ashcraft tries to argue in this post is that “…gaming should not feel star-struck by Hollywood. Gaming should get as far away from Hollywood as it possibly can.” As presented in the article, the affair between the two mediums has only produced lackluster results such as sucky movies and just as sucky video game adaptations. There is certainly a good amount of evidence to support this claim, as seen by the best video games adaptations thus far like Prince of Persia, Silent Hill, and the Resident Evil saga, that, like the brainless zombies, just won’t die. None of these are considered “good” movies in the classic sense, but so far this is the best that the crossover has produced, which I would agree is a pretty mediocre offering. Well, I am not convinced that this would mean that the pairing is simply not to be. There is a lot of work to be done with these adaptations between mediums — though it should not be their main priority — and like everything, it takes some practice and understanding. If we were just to give up after a first couple of tries, everyone would still be wearing Velcro shoes.

the horror, the horror...

Yes, both mediums make a lot of money and attract big name stars and talent (directors Steven Spielberg and Guillermo Del Toro, and actors like Mark Hammil and David Cross to name two off the top of my head). Both mediums are different in what they are trying to achieve as well, and this makes for a lot of difficulty when adapting work between these two mediums. On the one side you have video games which excel at being interactive, fun experiences and on the other is a medium that has a reputation for its eye candy and storytelling prowess. Like the article discusses, the artists in each medium should realize the unique tools at their disposal and use them. They must realize that there is nothing wrong with the way they are. They must realize that they are a beautiful, unique snowflake, and if they want to attempt to transfer one medium’s success into another one, I wish them the best of luck. I’ve got faith. I mean come on, if a f-----g Disneyland theme park ride could be made into one of the most successful movies of all time, what’s stopping video games?

There is one respect that video games should be cautious about in its ties with Hollywood, and that is how the business is run. DO NOT take the Hollywood business model as a good way to run things. A fleet of unimaginative, talentless sycophants is not who you want in charge of the creative decisions. You want people with new ideas, who actual take interest in what they do, who pave the way for the future of gaming, not settle for some magical “working” formula that will make studios a “guaranteed” profit. There has already been a trend of indie games gaining momentum and success for this reason of being different and being, well, good. Just making money and meeting expectations is not a good enough goal to have. I need to be entertained dammit!

But as for the whole "movies can’t do video games and vice versa," screw that. The longer something is out, the more time there is to practice and perfect the techniques.  Just think of all the possibilities…

  

Dragon Age Origins

It’s been a while since a game has been reviewed that wasn’t obscure or… well really any game that Julian Horan didn’t review.  I come now to break that trend.  There are many people who have already spent well over a hundred hours playing this game, but that most likely includes all the Downloadable Content (DLC) and the expansion, Dragon Age Origins Awakening – which are four words that qualify for the most seemingly random title ever.   This game, without all the fancy bells and whistles that came after its initial release, is still a fantastic game to play and will take hours and hours of time from your other responsibilities.

Before the game even starts, you may spend an hour or two deciding what exactly you want yourself to look like.  Personally, I think this is overkill, but that’s a common theme to long RPGs nowadays.  There are several beginnings to this game’s story, depending on the race (human, elf, dwarf), class (mage, rogue, warrior), and area you choose to play.  For instance, if you choose a dwarf commoner, you have to escape from the dwarf king who has just killed his brother, but if you choose the human mage, you are resigned to starting in the mage’s tower, a place where you can be watched and kept under lock and key.  Each unique beginning quickly catches up with the main story: to become a Grey Warden and stop the evil “Darkspawn” from taking over the lands.  Things don’t go as easily as planned, however, and you’re left with forming a new army and recruiting party members along the way.  To create the army, you have to go to three different areas and complete a string of quests. Afterwards, you are promised an army when the time comes.  If you already think the story is obvious or find it lacking, don’t worry, the best part of the game is the combat, of which there is much.

Sugar, spice and everything nice.

If you’re used to Bioware’s games (Mass Effect 2, Knights of the Old Republic, even Jade Empire) then you’ll fit right in with this game.  You can have a party of up to four people, three of which you can change around while the main character is always present.  Each party member has their own special skills, spells, attributes, etc.  which you can tell them to use with the tactics option or take full advantage of by playing as that character yourself.  Don’t like that warrior you created after 20 hours of gameplay?  Would you prefer to play as a Morrigan, the saucy spell caster?  That’s ok.  Just always switch to the next member of your party.  To make the combat more thoughtful, you can pause the game every time combat begins, specify every action and directly manage the team.  It’s a great addition and incredibly useful, but can sometimes feel like it gets in the way of the flow.  In addition to the skills available to you through your class, which are many and various, there are also specializations that you can learn through books, party members or side quests.  They also allow for more skills to be learned, although I didn’t much care for any of them.

I'm pretty sure I killed this elf.

If fantasy isn’t your thing, then stay away from this game. There is a ton of stuff packed into this game: codices, letters, quests, side quests, histories, lore.  If you take the time to read everything and try to figure out the context of the world as a whole, you’re in for some long nights.  On the other hand if, like me, you just want to play the game, level as much as you can and then kill some dragons, you’ll still partake in a great gaming experience.  Everything fits well together, nothing seems like it was added without a point and you can do dozens of quests to keep you coming back for more.  The gameplay is a solid, hardcore experience that you’ll come to thoroughly enjoy the more you play.  Each of the abilities you learn are useful depending on the situation, and you can create your party to suit the kind of game you want to play.  The soundtrack also manages to have that medieval feel to it, present in most fantasy games.  There‘s always some lady, singing eerily.  I don’t know why that’s a staple for things like this, but there you go; I can’t fault a game for fitting into the genre, no matter how odd I think it is (chanting) or how much I hate it (elves).  The one thing I feel I should mention about the soundtrack as something just completely out of place doesn’t even happen during the game.  After about 4 minutes of credits rolling at the very end, all of a sudden, without any warning, a rock song comes on:  “This is War” by 30 Seconds to Mars.  My only thought at this time was, “what the hell?”  It doesn’t make the game worse, but it is funny.  Sorry for the spoiler.

4.5/5 Near Perfect Score! Super Good!

Gaming with your Dad

WARNING: This article is not for those who do not have fathers. A prerequisite to reading this article is to have an existing father (i.e. no imaginaries allowed). Apologies to dead/bad dads.

Which of these dads would you want to meet?

Dads are the most complex creatures in all of history. They are either patriarchs or deadbeats, providing either sage advice or crushing indifference in your life. Some dads want you to succeed, so they denounce your video game playing in order for you to develop your academic and social life so that him and the mom can look good in the long run. But other dads are radder than that; they actually encourage or participate in your gaming endeavors.

My dad was kind of in the middle; he didn't scold my gaming nor did he encourage it. But he has participated. He's played stuff like Galaga, Ms. Pac Man, and Super Mario Bros: games that came out before he and my mom “decided” to create me. And through the undoubtedly empirical and valid data I've collected over the years, I'll tell you all how to game with your dad: what games are the best to play with your pap-pap, how to keep your dad gaming, and overall having a great time with your old man.

To get things going, try to determine your dad's favorite genre. This is not a determinant solely based on what he likes, either. Sometimes (most of the time) your dad has slow reaction time, or doesn't understand how to hold a controller, so puzzle games or waggle action from motion controls might be up his alley. You might think sports games are a viable thing for your dad to play, but he doesn't understand the actual complexity of how sports games play.

Case in point: I tried to play one of the NBA 2K games with him. I wasn't even going to teach him how to utilize plays with the d-pad or teach him how to dunk. After 15 minutes of intense teaching of the simplest controls, he still was wildly passing around the ball and shooting from half-court. Sometimes controls aren't made to be understood by fathers. This is a fact that you have to inevitably tell your father as he wants to turn off the console to marathon the Golf channel's offerings. However, back in the day, NBA Jam for the SNES was quite successful: the controls were simple, and he was especially amused by being able to play as Bill Clinton. He still sucked at the game, though.

Rule of Thumb: Dads love former presidents as playable characters. Use it to your advantage.

Dads always love golf, so showing him a game with golf is always a safe bet. The Tiger Woods games have those same levels of nuanced controls like the other sports games, so sh*t like the Hot Shots Golf series or Wii Sports golf are generally more successful. You haven't had a father/son or father/daughter experience until he dances in your face when you double bogey the 14^th hole that he easily birdie's in a game where your avatar doesn't even have arms or a neck.

Musical games are a finicky yet potentially viable option. If you really want to spend time with your father, you're gonna have to make the sacrifice of him being the vocals in the Rock Band or Guitar Hero games. Studies have shown that fathers generally do not have rhythm, so teaching him how to play drums and guitar may be a bit troublesome for him. Not to mention if you give him the super ultra easy mode where all he has to do is strum the guitar controller, or hit any snare on the drums, he'll get bored and say “this isn't the real game!!” (at least from my experience). Let him sing his own rendition of “A Hard Days' Night” in The Beatles: Rock Band so he doesn't have to complain and have everyone be content (except for your aural cavities).

Dad playing Tiger Woods and Wii Sports Golf:

Top:"What' is all this nonsense on the bottom of the screen?? How do you swing? This game sucks."

Bottom: "Watch your power. Check the wind. Hit it nice and easy like this."

When it comes down to it, experiment. Your dad might even like RPGs like Mass Effect or Strategy games like Civilization. Any game that catches his eye as he passes by your room or whatever you're playing when you visit him may nudge him into the gaming world. Just don't let it be this game.

Video Game Voyeurism

Do you like to watch? I do.  I’m always happy to watch people going at it, trying to finish, get all those good feelings that come during and after.  Sometimes it’s even better than being personally involved.  And always much easier.  If you’re like me, then you know how good it feels to sit back, relax and enjoy watching other people play some videogames.  Maybe it’s just me, but there are some games that I like to watch more than I like to play.  Some games just aren’t my forte, but are definitely fun to passively experience (watch).  Does that make me less of a gamer or more of one?  I don’t know how many people out there have the same amount of love I have for video games or if anyone else enjoys them on as many levels as I do, but this is one of the ways I would like to share.

To start, let’s talk about “let’s play” videos on YouTube.  For those of you unaware of this phenomenon, it’s a small group of people who record themselves playing videogames and supply commentary.  Whether they play games already beaten or play a “blind” playthrough is up to them, but it’s almost always entertaining, save the user who is sometimes annoying.  That’s a win-lose situation, though, since the commentary is sometimes the best part about watching these videos.  Now I’ll be honest, I’ve watched several games from beginning to end in this way: Super Mario Sunshine, My Life as a Dark Lord, and *ahem* God of War 3.   Of course, it’s not the same experience as playing them yourself, but you get the story, see the gameplay and even feel confident enough to talk about the game as if you actually played it.

 Having never played this game, I remain confident about how I feel towards it.

What does it say about the people that take the time to watch these videos?  With YouTube video limits, one must watch these games in 10 minute segments, often with an introduction and conclusion to each one.  I cannot tell you how much I hate the phrase “welcome back folks” now that I’ve heard well over 100 times in a single day thanks to one user.  If you’re not into watching and would rather get the full experience of the game by playing it yourself, then that makes perfect sense to me and, for most games, I feel the same way.  But there are systems that a lot of people don’t have, with games on them some would love to play, and these videos allow a great luxury.  For a more functional use, they provide a way to see if you’d like to buy a game.  If reviews aren’t enough (you bastard) then you can always check out gameplay videos through the “let’s play” users.  This is probably the most depressing way to spend one’s time online, but it’s definitely a time killer and it definitely makes me want to keep watching.

As for the more personable, friendly way to watch games – someone playing next to you on the couch – it’s much more akin to playing the game yourself.  You can talk to your friend and help solve the game’s puzzles.  If you’ve already beaten the game, you can give your own commentary to the current player and help guide them through.  The downside to this, however, is that the person playing may be terrible.  With YouTube, you can always skip ahead and find a part you’d rather watch, but with people on your couch, you better be ready for some awful gaming skills.  I can tell you from experience that you should never allow your girlfriend to “try out” a game in order to have something in common with you.  That’s just a cute spin on hours of frustration.

"Honey all you have to do is c.mk cancel to hp hadouken supercancel into hp super.  I don't know why you can't get it"

Then there are those games that just aren’t worth the total time it takes to play them.  Games that can be watched out of the sheer entertainment, but should probably never be played.  Often, when games have bad gameplay, it comes off even in the videos through YouTube.  I have laughed hysterically for a number of videos on account of the poor game design and, on occasion, because of the commentators themselves.  Other games must be watched with someone playing it next to you if they are to be tolerated.  The Pokemon games come to mind.  Who would really want to watch a video of someone level-up from zero without anyone to talk to?  You may think that people who watch “let’s play” videos have so little to do that it makes them sad to think about.  Well don’t tell me that, I don’t want to think about it.  I enjoy watching games be played, especially games that I can’t play myself for some reason (e.g. cost, not having the right system, laziness, etc.), and I enjoy watching games and contributing to the player so, in a way, we’re playing together – and that’s when things really get hot.

50th Blog Post Spectacular!!! Obscure Title Tuesday Presents: SuperDopeGaming.com for your PC!!

Yes that’s right, we’re celebrating our 50^th post here at SuperDope, and the time just flew by, didn’t it? I’m writing this post to commemorate this auspicious occasion (look it up) to look back and remember some of the important and defining moments of the site spawning back all the way to its humble beginnings four whole months ago. Who could have guessed that just 1/3 of a year later, we would be celebrating our four month anniversary. Come with me...on a walk down memory lane:

The First Review

And what a review it was! Nostalgia had never run more rampant as Ocarina of Time was reviewed by this sites patriarch. The first, and, to date, only perfect score, a clear 5/5. Few people understand that this review still holds sway over decisions made here at the offices today. For example, I recently became enamored with the series Alice is Dead, however, extraordinary as I thought the game was, it fell just short of a 5 out of 5 receiving only a 4.75 out of 5, out of deference to that first perfect score.

Fresh New Faces

As out patriarch started to branch out, seeking other respected gamers, he found an eclectic mix of writers to found the basis of the content for the site. While yours truly provided consistent game reviews of the more obscure variety, writer Jason H provided articles that were geared towards the theoretical, philosophical, and psychological nature of games. More followed, and soon the staff here at SuperDope grew to ultimately boast a roster of almost six people.

Controversy

But it wasn’t all roses, was it? Who can forget some of our more colorful controversies over the months? The name change comes to mind as the most prevalent- Superdopegaming was, as some of our hardcore fans may remember, formerly Superdopegamereviews dot com, which some thought had a nice ring to it but whatever. The powers that be ultimately decided that, because this site is more then just reviews, a name change to reflect as such would be more appropriate. It almost tore the site apart. Yet, here we stand, more then 30 consecutive days later, able to enjoy, and reflect.

Also, who could forget that one really really racy picture from that one time:

Here it is! Look at it!

F*cking look at it.

Fortunately, sex and Video Games have always gone hand and hand, tho, the picture did force our offices to institute a 2 and out policy, in which any employee caught wankin it to that picture in his office twice would be fired. Fortunately, most stop at one, tho a court case is pending for one of our employees who was caught furiously masturbating in his office to a different picture for a second time. Ha ha ha, oh KeepinItFresh, you sexual pervert.

Drugs and Writing Don’t Mix…Or Do They?

Village people?? Hah hah hah! Hilarious!

Then there’s my personal favorite, that one time I got doped up on pain meds but decided to write my weekly article anyway. What otherwise would have been a huge error and waste of time for both readers and my editor ended up being a perfect mix of comedy and pity.

Well, that’s it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say, to borrow and paraphrase a phrase: Four more months! Four more months! What more amazing moments will await the gaming community as SuperDope enters its less-than-half-a-year anniversary? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: As long as there are Video Games, there will be SuperDopeGaming.com to tell you what you need to know about them.

3.75/5 Solid Video Game Reviews! Reliable! Room for Improvement!

Value: What the Hell is That?

What factors go into one’s purchase in a videogame? Perhaps more generally, this question can be applied to any type of entertainment product that one would purchase: dvd purchases, cds. If this holds true, then there is an innumerable amount of journal articles, and well-informed research amongst a plethora of other academic material that regards this subject. But I’m going to tackle this subject anyway.

What makes a game worth purchasing? What makes something a “rental” instead of a “must-buy”? Our dear reader, may already be aware of what makes a title worthy of a purchase to them… However, in talking to Mr. Gregory Allen today, I could not (nor could he) pinpoint what makes a title worth buying to people. Logically, I have decided to chalk up our inability to articulate our thoughts as assured variability in one‘s purchasing decisions. Thus, this article was born.

As a disclaimer, I’m sure that even any resident frat-tastic business major would be able to tell you all about purchasing factors in their Buying Stuff 101 class. However, because I’m ignorant, not willing to do research to back up the ensuing discourse, and overall prideful in my non-broity, I will instead put forth this article of jumbled opinions in what will hopefully and craftily disguise itself as well-thought purchasing theory. Let us go forth:

This guy knows what I'm talkin' about.

The title that directly inspired this discussion with Mr. Allen was the recent Wii release of NBA Jam. Upon discovering that this homage to the mid-1990s had been recently released, I inquired to the good deity, Mr. Allen, about how much he figured the title to be worth. Allen played coy, and said he was unsure of the retail price -- a modest and humble action such as to not make me self-conscious of my merely terrestrial intelligence.

With a quick click or two on sites more established and respected than this here blog, I found that this Wii title would be retailing at the standard new release price of $49.99. “Oh, that’s not worth it.” I remarked. Allen, once again ignoring his omniscient abilities, asked me why this was so. I quickly ruminated (read: immediately made stuff up) about how the game didn’t have enough modes, wasn’t as deep a game as a title I would be willing to pay $50 for, and that it was just ripping off a game from 15 years earlier.

Now whether this holds true for NBA Jam is immaterial as I have no vested interest or bias against that title and it merely served as a jumping off of sorts into the realm of purchasing factors to a consumer. Regardless, all of my baseless attacks on the well-received title [an 82 on metacritic] was hinting at the well-accepted adage that the title in question would not warrant a purchase because I would not play it enough. As I remarked to Sir Gregory Allen (knighted on September, 11th, 2001 -- confusingly lost in the headlines of that day), I had pondered about possibly buying this title as I could envision myself enjoying this game at a party while under the influence. Under the influence of the responsible narcotics such as methamphetamine, heroin, and unadulterated cocaine.

Smack, Crank, and Fun Videogaming: These three all go hand in hand.

So far, I have managed to successfully imply two ideas in this post of mock dissertation: a game’s value is a function of time played and that I merely use drugs on a recreational and social basis -- and nothing more. Surely, I would be inclined to agree with time played as one of the more important factors in determining a game’s worth. But like most well-written scholarly articles, I will now attempt to undermine that sentiment and everything else I had previous established in the remaining lesser half of this post.

People who trade games most usually have not played the title much, if at all or have already beaten or completed the game. Ignoring the well-intentioned and possible third alternative of one trading in their games in order to secure more cash in order to furnish their meth habit to enjoy the next round of NBA Jam at an upcoming party -- both of these cases exemplify the player having no further intention of playing their former titles. Thus, no further time played brings them no value. Yet, most gamers have a collection of games that they keep even after reaching their expectancy of no longer playing said game. One does not trade in all or even most of their games once they have been played to their fullest extent -- whatever that may be at the players’ discretion. What is it that compels a person to hoard a disc that would better serve the consumer by trading it in at its highest market value rather than allowing it to become a playground of dead human skin, plant pollen, and textile fibers? I would argue that the reason that games that make the leap from smack fund to attic afterthought is enjoyment.

Value of a game is a function of enjoyment derived by the consumer. Furthermore, one who enjoys their game is likely to spend a higher amount of time with said title. Thus, the enjoyment model accounts for the apparent truism of more time played equals more value to the consumer. Additionally, the enjoyment school of thought provides an explanation for the exceptions of titles that are rarely played but maximally enjoyed (determined to be worthy of purchase by ‘Joy Theory‘ yet not by “Time is Money Philosophy“). Here are two complementary examples provided by my Nintendo and sports game-laden gaming career:

On the day of Mario Kart’s release, people that use me due to my fervent interest in all things videogames and anti-diabetes [read: friends] visited my residence (which I honorably shared with the celestial Gregor(y) Allen Poe) and proceeded to game for the next 8 hours. Although known for my inability to be joyous and uncanny mastership to become irritable with all persons even remotely affiliated to me, I had fun. This day in itself made the purchase of Mario Kart Wii worthwhile to me even if I had not played the game as much afterwards (admittedly that was not the case).

On the other end of the spectrum, NCAA Football 2004 was probably the game I spent the 2nd or 3rd most playing time in my life -- logging in 180 hours worth of transforming UCLA, Ball State, and Army into inexorable juggernauts. These programs played with the same kind of force and fury that choo-choo trains do when they meet unsuspecting hobos sleeping on railroad tracks. I would argue that this game was beloved to me not because of the amount of time that I poured into the game, but because of the enjoyment it poured into my life. The countless championship seasons, the 4-star recruit of DaMarcus Washington who perplexingly joined my Ball State program coming off a winless season (it was my first off-season with them -- there‘s no way I‘d lead a team to that kind of futility), down to one of the more sincerely cherished moments of my life -- my late Uncle cheering on my 2-loss UCLA team to a near-senseless comeback against the Miami Hurricanes for the National Championship in the Rose Bowl, exacting virtual revenge for us Bruin fans to the real life nightmare of December 5th, 1998.

How many hobos do you think Thomas the Train has viciously steamrolled throughout his choo-choo train career?

If you, dear reader, reject these two counterexamples then perhaps the two dimensions of time-value and enjoyment-value may prove to be inextricable. Maybe one can vouch for other factors. Brand Loyalty is the basis for my Metroid: Other M purchase and I derive value from it although I did not play it as much (and arguably not enjoy it as much) as most of my other $50 titles. Still, I value the title because it a part of my Metroid collection. Others may buy games out of social pressure because they are hollow, insecure people. These adolescents/failures of adults need to buy Medal of Honor or they risk ostracizing their self from their fellow poser compatriots. Value can perhaps also appreciate over time by means of discovering common games that one’s friends have played. This phenomenon of value is usually at its peak when the group blissfully basks in a gluttony of nostalgia and groupthink, adamantly agreeing that the game is tragically underappreciated.

Alas, I have run out of time and will leave that last concluding paragraph woefully underdeveloped. My dues have been paid and I’m off to go have hot wings with a friend. Maybe you’ll hear from me again -- maybe not. But I do leave you with this:

Don’t buy NBA Jam. Drugs are expensive enough.

When Are Games Not Games

Who am I to follow the great and talented Julian Horan and his glorious, first ever, review here on Super Dope Gaming?  Just a lowly writer, uselessly hoping to compare to such an amazing mind.  Well, never you mind; I’ll try my best to say something worth being posted so close to someone so famous and wealthy (honestly, he’s rich.)  Anyway, enough lollygagging around, I come here to address the topic of Videogames.  Not just any, however, but games that are so casual, so short, that it makes me wonder if they can still be classified as videogames.  Julian was right when he mentioned how games made by every day people are rarely reviewed, so why is that?  Why doesn’t IGN, UGO, or Kotaku review games that are, quite often, solo projects?

One possibility is that they don’t fall into the same category.  Console and PC games are already split, both of which are separate from handhelds, and then further into casual and hardcore; do we really need another distinction between videogames that are independently created in Flash and free to play and those  which have high costs of production and come with an equally steep price tag?  PC games and PC Flash games?  Are games like Alice is Dead, Don’t Crap Your Pants, or Don’t Shoot the Puppy lower on the gaming scale and therefore not worth the time?

 Congratulations indeed.

Another possibility for the lack of reviews is that these games are free.  People don’t need someone else to review the game before they try it.  Who is ever going to think, “This game is free and I have plenty of time, but I don’t know if I want to take some of that free time and spend it on a game I may not enjoy”?  It’s free.  Play it. Find out.  If anyone reading Julian Horan’s last post didn’t look up that game, I need to know why not.  I NEED to know.  But he isn’t the first person to review a free game on this site. Nor the second.

The idea is that these games are viewed differently for some reason.  I have spent so many hours playing games as time killers, but I haven’t gone to Newgrounds in years.  I balk at the very name.  “Those games are mostly junk time killers” I say to myself.  And then I go play Peggle on my Ipod for several hours.  I understand if some people can’t get past the fact that Flash Games bear a certain stigma, but what about other games that millions of us play every day?  Games like Farmville, Mafia Wars, or any other Facebook game? Hell, almost any free, Ipod-only game can be seen in the same way.  To some, usually the more hardcore amongst us gamers, these titles are not even worthy of being called games.

Personally, I think every game mentioned here, as well as countless others, are worthy in their own right.  If it comes down to solely a distinction of casual vs. hardcore games, then where do we draw the line?  Anything free to play is casual? Anything too easy is casual?  I can tell you that the games Julian Horan raves about below are not easy, but they are free to play.  On the reverse side, Super Mario Galaxy 1 & 2 have a normal price tag on them and are seen as two of the Wii’s greatest “core games,” but those games are incredibly easy.  They are cute, fluffy, light hearted and fun.  Many of the same adjectives used to describe casual games.

 HARDCORE!!

For every hardcore game, there are a hundred more games that people play just to pass the time, not looking for anything deep or moving, just a mindlessly fun experience.  Games that one can play while at work instead of working.  The common opinion is that these games are worse, in and of themselves, than any game that is not free to play.  Really?  Has anyone ever played Acme Arsenal (No you haven’t. No one has.)?  But I’m still sure it was worth writing a review for.  I’m sure every game is worth at least that much.  Even if you only play for an hour, you probably have enough experience with it to know it’s terrible.

Maybe Super Dope Gaming should stand behind this belief that all games are worthy of being reviewed and begin reviewing every casual, free-to-play game that comes out to determine whether or not it’s worth the time to play.  But that’s not going to happen, those are Flash Games.

Alice is Dead Ep 1, 2, & 3

This game (these three games, rather) are so great you should stop reading this review right now and go play them. http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/511552 Not only because they are so amazing, but also because they are short and sweet; you won’t have to worry about pouring hours into completing these flash games.

As the writer for the insanely popular ‘Obscure Title Tuesday’ articles that appear on this site and have gotten me rich and famous, this is the first review I have ever done of any game that isn’t obscure. Further, it’s rare that any Video Game Review website review flash games created by everyday people and not companies. I break the mold here now to inform you about these three exceptional games. After Alice is Dead Ep 1 four months went by until Alice is Dead Ep 2, and the very limits of my patience and excited anticipation were tested as I had to wait 8 whole months before Alice is Dead Ep 3 was posted on Newgrounds. Both waits were well worth it.

Get outta here, silhouette! It's a giant bloody number two! Heh heh heh heh!

First, the gameplay- it’s a simple point and click. You can click on the left or right hand side of the screen to move to a different location, and you click to pick up useful items that you can logically use later to advance the story and yourself when you get stuck in a particular area.

What...what are you gonna do with that sharp piece of glass, there, character?

I like these games so much for three reasons. First of which is their depth… the story (complemented well with the occasional voice acting) is engaging and interesting, and this depth of story is made more impressive by the fact that the games are each remarkably short. They, however, have high replay value as they are strewn with Easter Eggs and secrets that give you hints and information about your character and what exactly is going on in this world that you become immersed in. In not wanting to give away any spoilers and knowing that simply explaining the plot would not do it justice, I will refrain from discussing it at length. Just take my word for it that it’s awesome. Do it.

Is that a......gun?? Somebody means business.

Second and of impressive noteworthiness is the tone. In the series Alice is Dead, Alice is a reference to the Alice from "Alice is Wonderland" (which is apparent from the first gameplay frame of Ep 1.) The game really sets a dark and isolated feel with its masterful choice of music and the way in which it only gives out small short blips of information on both the story and your character. This slow reveal of plot and character adds to the players sense of loneliness and even, at times, confusion, which parallels with what your character is going through as you both try to piece together the puzzle of what has happened and what is going on. The farther you get in the series, the more rapid the information comes to you.

Oh, how high is this on a 10 point creepy scale? How high does the scale go?

Also here’s something we can appreciate as people who are not dumb -- at no point in the story do they beat you over the head with a large, drawn out, unnecessary explanation, as is the case too often in movies. As a weird example, take ‘Lucky Number Slevin.’ Towards the end of that movie they had dropped enough hints such that a few simple and logical inferences by the viewer could easily lead one to figure out what’s been happening in the movie and with the characters. Yet the end of this movie has, like, a 45 minute explanation montage of everything that has ever happened to every character, even though the movie had given out enough information by then for people to figure it out. It was like the movie was being tailored to the lowest common denominator; as if logical inferences and educated guesses based on evidence were just too much for us hick audiences. I mean Jeesus as soon as you saw that Bruce Willis and Josh Hartnet were working together you didn’t need a 45 minute explanation that explains that the hit-man Bruce Willis was going to kill Josh Hartnet when he was a child but then decided to help him get revenge instead when I already know that Josh Hartnet is getting revenge cause he's killed all these people! Shit. What were we talking about again? Oh right the amazing game -- By the end of this series all the slow reveals of information have told the story and left the player with enough information to infer and understand everything that has happened, especially if the secrets and Easter Eggs were sought out, and there’s no bludgeoning over the head to the lowest common denominator here. You stupid hick.

Fan art. Because the games are so great they inspire you to express yourself creatively.

I can’t say enough good things about this series. If I could use one word to describe it, it would be 'Refreshing'. There are millions of free flash games online, and most of them are mindless timewasters at best. This series shows just what a Video Game can accomplish in terms of evoking emotion and creating an entire world from nothing. I love this game, and you will too, so stop reading these words like a fool and goooo! (play the game)(right now)(if you had time to read this then you have time to play these short amazing games)(do it)(for reals you guys)

4.75/5 Free, Online, Short and Extraordinary! Immersed In A World! Play It Right Freagin’ Now!!